Wrath [Gokudera Hayato] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
righthandsmoke) wrote2009-09-02 09:09 pm
righthandsmoke) wrote2009-09-02 09:09 pm
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5. Becoming Tsuna's subordinate
The memory begins here and continues until the end of the chapter. It is a lot, but for it to make the right kind of sense he needs the whole thing. :|a
Anyway! Things he learned:
-His name (Gokudera Hayato)
-His title (Smoking Bomb)
-Talking babies with guns are completely normal
-Tenth is his boss (names known for him: Sawada, Tsuna, Tenth)
-He came from Italy to kill him
-He does in fact use bombs
-He is very likely an assassin
-Who works for the mafia
-Tsuna is ~*~AMAZING~*~ *_*
So! In the memory he got just before this one he learned that he was being taught about fighting with bombs by an assassin. Then in this memory he finds he was coming to kill a guy to test his strength (and become the boss of a mafia family, though that was actually a negligble concern for him). What this adds up to in his mind is "I was an assassin." This is pretty Not Okay with him. :|a He is really not okay with the idea of killing as a career. That's just—no. He does not remember having grown up in a mafia household. He doesn't remember all the exposure to this being an acceptable and encouraged way of life. To Gokudera, there is a big difference in the implications of a career in killing as opposed to the killing that takes place in Sabra. In Sabra his experience with killing has been as a result of the games; it's all a very, very reluctant thing.
And yes yes I know there is the point that Gokudera willingly gave Cloud a horrible death during that one Trickster game. But that still does not fall into an enjoyable thing. It was revenge for Blade having been killed by that team (remember this is in Dera's skewed view of things \o/). It was not something he enjoyed by any means; it was just revenge. And there was an issue of wanting to show that he would not take a lack of at least trying to save his team when feasible lightly. :|a Again, did not believe Cygnus made any effort to save his teammate! Whatever the circumstances surrounding the incident were don't matter to Gokudera; his whole focus is on what happened to his teammate as a result. A teammate who at the time was his favorite! It was angry and warning and vengeful and etc. But the point is it was not enjoyed, and when Gokudera thinks of having taken such a violent and murderous career he can only think that he must have enjoyed it. :|a BIG DIFFERENCE.
So yes he is very not okay with the idea that he could have been someone like that before he came here. Luckily he's not as unbalanced as Cloud and no one he spoke to about it (Blade, Spiky, Allen, Red) seemed to be very concerned that he'd become a dangerous person as a result. So he is concerned but not Terribly Worried. Howeverrrr he is very not sure it is a life he can just decide to leave behind either because he's remembered Tenth now! And how awesome and amazing he is and feeling kind of gay for him. :|a Especially coupled with the other memory he has about being called back from the fight with Belphegor. In both major memories with Tenth there are Intense Feelings of Affection going on, and having been called out on being gay just minutes prior has made it PRETTY OBVIOUS that he has Feelings for this guy. (:|a Bi with a male leaning to be fair, but gay was funnier and Judges are mean, so. Also if anyone is considering apping Tenth and hates the ship I am 100% cool with that. \o/ Dumb one-sided and unspoken things are fun too.) But yeah he is gay for his boss. :|a And because of that doesn't really want to abandon the life even if he isn't sure he's okay with it because Tenth is pretty clearly a wonderfully good person who deserves to be supported and followed. He also suspects that Tsuna is the 'he' he was referring to in his message, and if he is the one waiting for him Gokudera doesn't really want to not go back. So he is somewhat conflicted about his feelings on the matter.
:|a That is really the only major issue. Aside from thinking talking assassin babies are completely normal. Another hint of Dera's life having been completely insane get! \o/ And man I talked a lot, so if something didn't entirely make sense or you want me to talk more about it go ahead and ask me. o/
The memory begins here and continues until the end of the chapter. It is a lot, but for it to make the right kind of sense he needs the whole thing. :|a
Anyway! Things he learned:
-His name (Gokudera Hayato)
-His title (Smoking Bomb)
-Talking babies with guns are completely normal
-Tenth is his boss (names known for him: Sawada, Tsuna, Tenth)
-He came from Italy to kill him
-He does in fact use bombs
-He is very likely an assassin
-Who works for the mafia
-Tsuna is ~*~AMAZING~*~ *_*
So! In the memory he got just before this one he learned that he was being taught about fighting with bombs by an assassin. Then in this memory he finds he was coming to kill a guy to test his strength (and become the boss of a mafia family, though that was actually a negligble concern for him). What this adds up to in his mind is "I was an assassin." This is pretty Not Okay with him. :|a He is really not okay with the idea of killing as a career. That's just—no. He does not remember having grown up in a mafia household. He doesn't remember all the exposure to this being an acceptable and encouraged way of life. To Gokudera, there is a big difference in the implications of a career in killing as opposed to the killing that takes place in Sabra. In Sabra his experience with killing has been as a result of the games; it's all a very, very reluctant thing.
And yes yes I know there is the point that Gokudera willingly gave Cloud a horrible death during that one Trickster game. But that still does not fall into an enjoyable thing. It was revenge for Blade having been killed by that team (remember this is in Dera's skewed view of things \o/). It was not something he enjoyed by any means; it was just revenge. And there was an issue of wanting to show that he would not take a lack of at least trying to save his team when feasible lightly. :|a Again, did not believe Cygnus made any effort to save his teammate! Whatever the circumstances surrounding the incident were don't matter to Gokudera; his whole focus is on what happened to his teammate as a result. A teammate who at the time was his favorite! It was angry and warning and vengeful and etc. But the point is it was not enjoyed, and when Gokudera thinks of having taken such a violent and murderous career he can only think that he must have enjoyed it. :|a BIG DIFFERENCE.
So yes he is very not okay with the idea that he could have been someone like that before he came here. Luckily he's not as unbalanced as Cloud and no one he spoke to about it (Blade, Spiky, Allen, Red) seemed to be very concerned that he'd become a dangerous person as a result. So he is concerned but not Terribly Worried. Howeverrrr he is very not sure it is a life he can just decide to leave behind either because he's remembered Tenth now! And how awesome and amazing he is and feeling kind of gay for him. :|a Especially coupled with the other memory he has about being called back from the fight with Belphegor. In both major memories with Tenth there are Intense Feelings of Affection going on, and having been called out on being gay just minutes prior has made it PRETTY OBVIOUS that he has Feelings for this guy. (:|a Bi with a male leaning to be fair, but gay was funnier and Judges are mean, so. Also if anyone is considering apping Tenth and hates the ship I am 100% cool with that. \o/ Dumb one-sided and unspoken things are fun too.) But yeah he is gay for his boss. :|a And because of that doesn't really want to abandon the life even if he isn't sure he's okay with it because Tenth is pretty clearly a wonderfully good person who deserves to be supported and followed. He also suspects that Tsuna is the 'he' he was referring to in his message, and if he is the one waiting for him Gokudera doesn't really want to not go back. So he is somewhat conflicted about his feelings on the matter.
:|a That is really the only major issue. Aside from thinking talking assassin babies are completely normal. Another hint of Dera's life having been completely insane get! \o/ And man I talked a lot, so if something didn't entirely make sense or you want me to talk more about it go ahead and ask me. o/